Things I did today:
Spent $50 on a bra that I swear on my Grandma’s implants make me look like my boobs have finally come in. Thank you Vikki. (I call her that. She told me I could when I applied for her credit card with a 27% interest rate) Went shopping for shorts and I swear to you my crotch was so visible, I had to ask the girl bringing me shorts if they had any that wouldn’t show my uterus. She...
OH HAI RYAN. COME TO CHICAGO I want people there who didn’t see me make a complete ass of myself the last time.
A show from the last decade that is no longer on,...
btothed: I will not list Felicity, because that was a solidly written show, and I’m *not* ashamed of that one. Mine was Men in Trees on ABC. Fuck. Pardon me. I need to walk outside and pick a fight with a complete stranger to regain some guy points. REBLOG WITH YOURS … and GO! X-files? Is that in this decade? If it’s not I don’t care because GILLIAN ANDERSON IS MY SPIRIT...
there comes a time
in every jilted woman’s life when she realizes she has two options: continue to let the men who’ve brought her to this point direct her every move, haunt her every decision, infiltrate her heart to the point it can’t believe it will ever find love again, or open the box of discarded memories, throw them into the mental shredder that destroys the bad, and keeps the good, the...
lilykily asked: PROUD OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENT, Ruthie babie!
my boobs look like after shocks compared to you...
I won’t let you take away from me everything I’ve worked this hard to build. I won’t let your words tear me down when I’m the only one capable of building me back up. I won’t take your “I love You” to mean anything more than you finally realize what your life is without me. I won’t admit to letting you get to me. When I cry it’s because...
I’m apparently showing too much “anal cleavage”
WHY DOES MY PHONE NEVER RECEIVE COMMUNICATION FROM...
I can’t help but notice nobody texts me? It’s because I’m wearing pants with words on the ass isn’t it. ISN’T IT?
goldengateblond asked: It's your fault that I'm now watching "16 and Pregnant." I thought we were friends.
dkpoole asked: Our nights seems similar. I do not have Pokemon cards here to look at, but I am flipping between the Game Show Network and '16 and Pregnant.' I also do not have angel food cake, but I do have funfetti cupcakes, so I feel like we're basically the same. Your thoughts?
Possible Pokemon Names:
Drinkwitchu Jigglybutt Charmsmenthenruns Ican’tbelieve it’s not butterfree Pudgey Zubatshitcrazy - No. You’re alone on a Friday night with nobody to eat the angel food cake with you so you’re reading pokemon cards thinking of pokemon names. Are you? Please say you are.
If you were stranded on a desert island, which one...
Kirstie Alley And George Foreman. Don’t say that’s 2 people, technically it’s more like 4, and we all know I’m going to need something to eat, and something to cook it on. I should have tried out for survivor. This is obvious. Ask me anything
Do you remember in Chicago you promised me you...
Did I say I’d be your bitch or you were being a bitch? I recall doing both at various points in the night’s festivities. If you are sure I promised to be you bitch, than we should most definitely begin the bitch screening process. Mine needs several things: 1. Unending adoration for me, as well as Britney Spears. 2. A flannel night gown. DON’T ASK QUESTIONS. 3. Access to a...
Jealousy. Wherein I confess
We were 11. Her name was Arin, and we were friends based on the fact we both had to take a bus to a special school once a week where we could be ourselves around other people like us, who finished their work too soon, and made other children look subpar. We didn’t like being different, and nobody understood why we were taken out of class and treated like we thought we were better than...
reblog with your life story in six words
girlvanized: sarkastickunt: strangeninja: ryanjjohn: invalidkarma: rideronthestorm: penguinprostitution: newrider:borednschooled:misterfelder: wolfintestines:radioqueen:meysell: capnmarisa:ottery:roflcoptermason:saix where the fuck is my coffee I hope that’s just a rash. Two steps forward, one step back. Fall Seven times, Get up Eight Fight to the death. Then hug. ...
What's the oldest piece of clothing you still own...
My girdle. This thing will never go out of style. Ask me anything
Soo, what are you doing tonight, hot stuff? I...
Shaving my legs. Are you turned on yet? Ask me anything
You mentioned before you've lived in 20 different...
I’ve never lived in AR. But I have lived in Fort Polk LA, and I died. But only on the inside. Ask me anything
Have you ever considered making some extra cash by...
Thank you. I tried turning them in, but they didn’t have enough evidence to hold them. Ask me anything
Favorite song of all time?
Britney Spears, do you want a Piece of Me. Well; Do you? Ask me anything
Why do you stay with your husband? Are you also in...
I have 4 kids who love their dad, and are my world. Why wouldn’t I stay? Yes. He’s gone. For a year. Would you like to come visit? That’s what I thought. Ask me anything
I admire your honesty. Do you ever feel the "oh...
I used to. Then I realized if I actually cared what people thought about me, I’d delete my Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and permanent record. My life is an open book. One you’d be best not to judge by its cover. Ask me anything
How long ago did the husband thing happen & how...
2.5 years ago. By snapped out of it, do you mean realize I’m better than that? About 2 minutes. Ask me anything
What happened with Mike?
He bit someone’s ear off. It was tragic. But he appeared in the hangover, so I guess things are looking up. Ask me anything
Secret Tumblr Message
Are any of these about me? because I don’t really do beating around the bush very well, so if you want me to know something can you put “HEY RUTH THIS IS MEANT FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU SO PLEASE START READING NOW” If they aren’t then you guys are just mean. Okay.
I WANT MY LUNCHBAG TO HAVE LARGE BOSOMS, LONG FLOWING BLACK CURLY TENDRILS, AND A FANTASTIC BACKSIDE. (September 19th)
"driving to the store for a pallet of Baby Ruths"
kaffeineme: Babies Ruth? NO I WILL NOT HAVE YOUR BABIES. And the correct term would be Baby’s of Ruth
saidme asked: That doesn't look like beer. That looks like pee and a green straw. Were you drinking pee with a green straw?