sarc.

I am a 30 year old mother with 4 successful, yet equally disgusting vaginal births to my credentials, and despite giving birth in my teens I neglected to sell my baby, I mean story, to MTV. I use to have all 10 episodes of Friends on DVD but I just sold them in a relatively successful eBay auction and offered free shipping which tells you a lot about my personal belief system. I look really good photoshopped and in the dark and my kids say my best quality is when I am not around. I volunteer my spare time on Social Media Studies where I study the reactions of what people think of all the dumb things I have to say. I am not a vegan but I am friends with a girl who has a tomato plant and I always slow down so my kids can say "LOOK! A COW!" when we drive past a large open field. I enjoy long walks from my couch to the fridge, spending time pretending I don't have a family and reading the classics. The classics is what I call Teen Vogue. I am almost graduated from online college and when I finish I would like to forget that I owe $15,000 in student loans and head down that weird patch of dead grass behind the mall and wait to apply for a job with the traveling carnival. I am a photographer in my spare time, which just means I bought an expensive SLR camera once and forced my friends to pose while I took their pictures, and I've also traveled the world. (it's just America). If I win I am going to do whatever I can to put hurricane machines in the cafeteria, and have Taco Bell catered in at lunch time.

“I think we should not see other people” is how I’d break up with someone if I was blind.

  • Jealousy is horrible, and I hate that I let it get to me. I don’t want to be you, I just don’t want you to be you either. Diarrhea splash. 
  • I’ve been rejected for writing and for being fat, but I can honestly say the rejection for writing is the one that sucks the most. Call me names, just promise you’ll call me okay?!!
  • I found a plethora of photos of myself when I was in high school today and I was so skinny and I thought I was so fat but that makes sense because I didn’t know about Photoshop at that point. 
  • Ask your Dr. if spellcheck is right for you. 
  • Charity has to go back to see the Dr. next week because her behavior is absolutely out of control. Every time I see one of those lawyer commercials about your kid being born with birth defects, I hate myself for taking depression pills. I am the worst:(
  • 3 more months until all my kids are in school and I can finally have my dream job*

*night shift at The Waffle House. I’m gonna load and smother so many hash browns. 

  1. jewlesthemagnificent said: Did your doctor say the pills were OK to take during pregnancy? There are many antidepressants that are totally fine. If you were taking one that wasn’t fine and your doctor said it was? It’s THEIR fault. Odds are though her issues arent due to that.
  2. roothakers posted this