sarc.

I am a 30 year old mother with 4 successful, yet equally disgusting vaginal births to my credentials, and despite giving birth in my teens I neglected to sell my baby, I mean story, to MTV. I use to have all 10 episodes of Friends on DVD but I just sold them in a relatively successful eBay auction and offered free shipping which tells you a lot about my personal belief system. I look really good photoshopped and in the dark and my kids say my best quality is when I am not around. I volunteer my spare time on Social Media Studies where I study the reactions of what people think of all the dumb things I have to say. I am not a vegan but I am friends with a girl who has a tomato plant and I always slow down so my kids can say "LOOK! A COW!" when we drive past a large open field. I enjoy long walks from my couch to the fridge, spending time pretending I don't have a family and reading the classics. The classics is what I call Teen Vogue. I am almost graduated from online college and when I finish I would like to forget that I owe $15,000 in student loans and head down that weird patch of dead grass behind the mall and wait to apply for a job with the traveling carnival. I am a photographer in my spare time, which just means I bought an expensive SLR camera once and forced my friends to pose while I took their pictures, and I've also traveled the world. (it's just America). If I win I am going to do whatever I can to put hurricane machines in the cafeteria, and have Taco Bell catered in at lunch time.
Have you ever been saddled with the idea that something you took probably ruined one of the little people you brought into this world? Because I have.  Every single day.  As most of you know I have 4 kids, and 3 of them are brilliant and smart and funny, and sarcastic and could take care of themselves if the need arose, but then there’s my third child.  My little girl Charity.  I was on a number of anti-depressants because I hated my life, and at one point I tried to kill myself and my son while I was driving down the road because I was 19 and in no way shape or form ready to be a mom.  So after a few years of fighting the good fight, I decided to accept medication.  And then I got pregnant with Charity.  She wasn’t planned, none of them were, but when you’re raised like I was, the idea of not having a baby isn’t even something you can consider.  I was doped up most of her pregnancy and she was born 3 weeks early and she never cried.  She was 18 months old before she mowgli crawled and her first words didn’t happen until she was 3.  She’s 7 now and functions at about the level of a 3 year old.  Not a single day goes by that I don’t hate myself for her. She struggles every day and will likely do so for the rest of her life.  I can’t let it get to me because I have other kids who need me.  But I can regret things. I do regret things.  I guess the best I can do is tell her I’m sorry.  I’m sorry…

Have you ever been saddled with the idea that something you took probably ruined one of the little people you brought into this world?

Because I have. 

Every single day. 

As most of you know I have 4 kids, and 3 of them are brilliant and smart and funny, and sarcastic and could take care of themselves if the need arose, but then there’s my third child. 

My little girl Charity. 

I was on a number of anti-depressants because I hated my life, and at one point I tried to kill myself and my son while I was driving down the road because I was 19 and in no way shape or form ready to be a mom. 

So after a few years of fighting the good fight, I decided to accept medication. 

And then I got pregnant with Charity. 

She wasn’t planned, none of them were, but when you’re raised like I was, the idea of not having a baby isn’t even something you can consider. 

I was doped up most of her pregnancy and she was born 3 weeks early and she never cried. 

She was 18 months old before she mowgli crawled and her first words didn’t happen until she was 3. 

She’s 7 now and functions at about the level of a 3 year old. 

Not a single day goes by that I don’t hate myself for her.

She struggles every day and will likely do so for the rest of her life. 

I can’t let it get to me because I have other kids who need me. 

But I can regret things.

I do regret things. 

I guess the best I can do is tell her I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry…

  1. rumbledoll001 said: I don’t know what to say except that reading about her, about her enormous love for you, about your enormous love for her .. it’s all beautiful. It often brings me to tears. And she’s cool and awesome. And so are you.
  2. mightyquinn72 said: No.
  3. finallychelle said: I have no words. She’s precious though— in her own way and in every way.