sarc.

I am a 30 year old mother with 4 successful, yet equally disgusting vaginal births to my credentials, and despite giving birth in my teens I neglected to sell my baby, I mean story, to MTV. I use to have all 10 episodes of Friends on DVD but I just sold them in a relatively successful eBay auction and offered free shipping which tells you a lot about my personal belief system. I look really good photoshopped and in the dark and my kids say my best quality is when I am not around. I volunteer my spare time on Social Media Studies where I study the reactions of what people think of all the dumb things I have to say. I am not a vegan but I am friends with a girl who has a tomato plant and I always slow down so my kids can say "LOOK! A COW!" when we drive past a large open field. I enjoy long walks from my couch to the fridge, spending time pretending I don't have a family and reading the classics. The classics is what I call Teen Vogue. I am almost graduated from online college and when I finish I would like to forget that I owe $15,000 in student loans and head down that weird patch of dead grass behind the mall and wait to apply for a job with the traveling carnival. I am a photographer in my spare time, which just means I bought an expensive SLR camera once and forced my friends to pose while I took their pictures, and I've also traveled the world. (it's just America). If I win I am going to do whatever I can to put hurricane machines in the cafeteria, and have Taco Bell catered in at lunch time.
I spent a good hour tonight reading the very first blog I ever wrote on the internet back when I was 19-27 spending 24 hours a day with my boob in a kids mouth or my purse filled with diapers.  I don’t necessarily miss all that, but I relished in it when I was there.  I like being able to make jokes with my kids now, and take them places with me. I like being able to watch them stand up for themselves, and to exceed. I like remembering this photo and how Charity would poke Mikey and Aubree while they watched TV just to see what happened. What they would do. I’m not the worlds best mom, and I make no secrets about loving the freedom I have now as my kids get older and the things I wasn’t able to do in my 20’s now being options for me. I don’t know what that means, if it means anything.  I’m a mom.  I’m a cool chick. I’m a woman with things I want and things I crave. I love music. I love vodka.  But I still love my kids.  Where am I going with this? To bed. I gotta wake up early.  You know.  Kids.

I spent a good hour tonight reading the very first blog I ever wrote on the internet back when I was 19-27 spending 24 hours a day with my boob in a kids mouth or my purse filled with diapers. 

I don’t necessarily miss all that, but I relished in it when I was there. 

I like being able to make jokes with my kids now, and take them places with me.

I like being able to watch them stand up for themselves, and to exceed.

I like remembering this photo and how Charity would poke Mikey and Aubree while they watched TV just to see what happened.

What they would do.

I’m not the worlds best mom, and I make no secrets about loving the freedom I have now as my kids get older and the things I wasn’t able to do in my 20’s now being options for me.

I don’t know what that means, if it means anything. 

I’m a mom. 

I’m a cool chick.

I’m a woman with things I want and things I crave.

I love music.

I love vodka. 

But I still love my kids. 

Where am I going with this?

To bed.

I gotta wake up early. 

You know. 

Kids.